Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
