It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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