try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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