I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
