who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
