I can text with my tongue
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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