we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
a search helicopter?!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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