member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
