Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
