we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
