I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
