haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
