what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
