Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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