whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
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