you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
