i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have feelings that need drinking.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I am mentally ready for anal.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize