He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
