Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
50% drunk capacity currently
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
