Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
