My sheets look like a crime scene.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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