Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
