I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
