Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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