I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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