the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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