He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
our cab driver is having phone sex.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
