I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
