You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
