VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
