Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
a search helicopter?!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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