He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
