At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
