YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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