forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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