I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
