good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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