I just saw a hot homeless man
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
