In the future we'll all be gay
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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