I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
