just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
