He is such a slut. More and more my type.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
