Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
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