i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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