I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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