let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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