Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
