So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
