so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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