I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
