How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
